Raw honey + Greek yogurt = orgasm of taste.

had a pretty shitty day yesterday.

i woke up to the sound of pouring rain outside and i guess that set the tone for the rest of my day. i really just woke up on the other side of the bed…

called mikey in the morning via skype and we kind of argued, even though right now i don’t even remember what it was about since it was so dumb.

late to my internship by an hour because of that, and then got slapped with a project that i was in no mindset to finish. and so i didn’t… even though i stayed 2 hours later than i was supposed to. almost cried when i stepped out of the building because i felt so incompetent and frustrated and disappointed that i couldn’t do it in time (they ended up handing the rest of the project to another designer)… no one was mad at me, i think they could all sympathize and i know i’m just an intern but i felt like i could have done a lot better on any other day.

picked up from celeste afterwards, and then went to yaffa cafe with her and her roommates for her birthday… that was pretty good. got an avocado melt on a baguette with brie cheese, which was fucking delicious and FREE! because i made ernie pay for me (this was arguably the best part of my day).

after dinner we went to a hookah bar with a bunch of other people, but i left early because they were carding everyone for drinks and i didn’t have any I.D on me… i don’t like smoking hookah that much anyway so eh.

walked home from the subway at 12:30am and almost stepped on a fucking caterpillar in the process. terrifying.

got home, skype’d mikey again, got upset again because he wasn’t really paying attention to what i was saying and couldn’t really respond. i shouldn’t have blamed him, because he was at his internship when i called him (fuck this 12 hour time difference). but talking to him is usually what i look forward to the most in a day, so even that was taken away from me last night. christ.

roommate already passed out and i didn’t feel like smoking on my own so i just called it a day at 1AM.

…. today feels like a better day though. weather is beautiful. i’m locked up here on campus at my part-time job but whatever.

:) Happy because I finally figured out what I'm going to do and get for Mikey's birthday.

Now to save the money. :(

You've been feeling like a dream and I hate it. I can hear you, see you, but I can't touch your skin...

There are fewer things that feel as good as discovering great new music. Unfortunately it's also a feeling that can never be reproduced... even though I still listen to all my favorite artists repeatedly, it'll never be the same as the first time I listened to a song and realized just how good they are.

I always feel frustrated as well because I just want to call them on the phone and thank them for sharing their talent! And to let them know that they are loved... especially emerging artists who haven't gotten much recognition yet.

Anyway, yes this is all leading up to the fact that I discovered a great new Taiwanese (well, Singapore) artist named 石康軍 (Jones Shi). His music and voice are both beautiful.

His style is pretty Taiwanese so I think you have to be a fan of Chinese pop to want to enjoy this, but I can completely see influences of British indie pop there as well...this song I've linked really reminds me of something English that I've listened to before, but I can't place my finger on it.

So apparently someone just got shot on Classon and Lafayette.

The "A" is where I live.

Holla! Welcome to the hood. In fact I think this is the second shooting on Lafayette Ave this month. And like the fourth or fifth shooting I've heard about in my immediate area since I got an apartment in Clinton Hill (August 2009). Why do humans do this to one another?

I'm giving up seafood in September. There, I said it. I can do it! :D I just need to head over to Whole Foods or something and pick up some vitamin supplements to replace what I lack in my diet.

I don't think Mikey will be happy about it, though. :(

For reference:

Omega-3 Fatty Acids: walnuts, ground flax seeds, flax oil, hempseed oil, canola oil, and supplements

Vitamin B-12: B-12 supplement, or fortified cereals or soymilk

Protein: almonds, black beans, brown rice, cashews, garbanzo beans (chickpeas), kidney beans, lentils, lima beans, peanut butter, pinto beans, seitan, soybeans, soymilk, sunflower seeds, textured vegetable protein (TVP), tofu, vegetarian hot dogs and burgers

Calcium: almonds, black beans, broccoli, calcium-fortified orange juice, collard greens, great northern beans, kale, kidney beans, mustard greens, navy beans, orange juice, pinto beans, sesame seeds, soybeans, soymilk, textured vegetable protein (TVP), tofu

Iron: black beans, bran flakes, cashews, Cream of Wheat®, garbanzo beans (chickpeas), GrapeNuts®, kidney beans, lentils, navy beans, oatmeal, pumpkin seeds, raisins, soybeans, soymilk, spinach, sunflower seeds, tofu, tomato juice, whole wheat bread

One of the most common (mind-boggling imo) questions any person who doesn't eat red meat encounters is "HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET PROTEIN?!" to which I just want to slap them and direct them to fucking Google.com. One simple search and you can see how many different foods supply protein!

a million little pieces

this is how it has always been with me. give me something good, i'll destroy it. love me, i'll destroy you. i have never felt deserving of anything in my life. i have never felt as i were worth the diseased space i occupy. this feeling has inhabited everything i've ever done, seen, or had anything to do with, and it has infected every relationship i have ever had with everyone i've ever known. i don't understand it. i don't understand why it's here. i hate it and i hate myself."

Alice

Brought my Facebook back. :(

So this is our day and age! Slave to social networking!

My Facebook is pretty much stripped to the bone though, I deleted basically everything before I deactivated the account... not that this bothers me. It's kind of refreshing knowing my life isn't out there for the world to see! I'll just stick to uploading stuff on Flickr I guess. Cleaner interface anyway. :)

ow.

I walked (or ran...) into a fire hydrant yesterday.
Ironically this was because my friend had tripped in a really dramatic fashion and I was laughing so hard that I wasn't watching where I was going...

I can tell it's one of those horrific bruises that will only get worse with time. :|

Anyway. I suppose this is big news, but I deleted my fucking Facebook. Honestly, I was actually just really depressed last night and I was like "FUCK EVERYONE! IF THEY REALLY LOVE ME THEY WILL KNOW HOW TO REACH ME!" and just deleted it.

Obviously I'm not in the same mood anymore, but whatever, I'll just keep it as is... Facebook is pretty creepy anyway.

Apparently this wasn't enough to call my boyfriend home from overseas.

Cold hearted bastard.

How can your home feel like a home if you have nothing to come home to?

You just go to bed feeling alone in this city.

I had a lot of friends over this week! Stephanie's brother came over twice this week, and Georgiya came over a few times. Saori from Long Island visited this weekend as well, and last night I had the boys over last night (they were terrible houseguests by the way. never again!)

This asshole ate the dinner I bought for myself, when I wasn't paying attention, and then proceeded to force me to cook him a second dinner after he was done.

Needless to say I am really tired and need to give myself a break... I am staying CLEAN for like the rest of the month. I want to. I need to. Christ.

Also forcing each of the boys to buy me dinner at least once this week. FUCKERS.

Got really baked last night, and Georgiya turned to me and asked me how I knew Mikey wasn't cheating on me.
I didn't know how to answer. I mean, things like that don't even cross my mind, seriously. I'll joke about it but I never even consider it as a possibility. We sort of debated this for a bit, but I was really unable to wrap my mind around what she was trying to say.

I guess when you are not in a relationship you are able to approach it with complete logic, in which case I would say yea, I am not there with him overseas, so he could totally be cheating on me and I wouldn't even know about it.
But from my point of view, I guess I am in love or something, so it's not possible to me. But I don't think it's because I'm being blinded by it, I think it's because I just know him so well as a person that I couldn't see him do such a despicable thing.
What is the point of being in a relationship if you approach it with that sort of paranoid mindset?

I think after a certain point in a relationship, lust isn't the only thing that drives it anymore, it grows into something I think I would compare to how family loves each other. Your family would always give you the benefit of the doubt no matter what you did. Even your friends, right? If you told them that you didn't do something, they would not second guess you because it's not even an option in their minds to not take your word for it.

So, that's why, I'm not scared about what Mikey is doing even though he is 12 timezones away.

Also, I think being in a long term relationship, you often have to watch other people break up. Even people who have been dating for ages... it never really bothers me though. I don't know why it bothers other people. I think common thoughts are "if they couldn't even stay together, how can my relationship possibly survive?", and I think that is such an ignorant way to go about it.

Whatever happened in their relationship to cause it to fail is their business, and completely dependent on factors surrounding those two people as individuals...

I get into really intense discussions whenever I get baked. :|

So cute. Definitely getting the low-top ones soon... DSM<3~

Perhaps citing my health as one of the reasons for me swearing off red-meat since last January isn't really that valid, considering the amount of cigarettes I have smoked since...oh god, I don't know, senior year of high school. I don't smoke regularly but I think I smoke enough that I can't say that I don't smoke, with a clean conscience. (In fact, Mikey wooed me over cigarettes... clever bastard calling me outside for dead of night cigarette breaks...)

And I can't really call myself a vegetarian since I still eat seafood every so often. Usually I go for the shrimp or fish if I'm at a restaurant where there really is no other option (assholes.)... but I always eat it with guilt. Even though it is delicious.

Actually, it's been a good half year since I stopped eating red meat, and the truth is that I don't crave meat at all anymore, if anything, I think I have started to find it completely unappetizing... am I allowed to say that I don't eat meat just because I think it's gross?

I merely texted my mom musing about the heat, and next thing I know my dad's knocking on the apartment door with an air conditioner.

Parents are great. Slept like a fuckin' BABY last night.

This is absolutely unbelievable.

i like my body when it is with your

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like„ slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh … . And eyes big Love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you quite so new

— e.e. cummings

寶貝我好想你喔⋯⋯

Called Mikey this morning just to chat and check up on him. It was so comforting to hear his voice! Just filled me with nauseating happiness, hahaha, someone shoot me.

So cute... me excitedly telling him about my day, and then in turn him excitedly telling me about his. Huhu~
It's great that I have a boyfriend that I can actually hold a conversation with, someone that I look forward to gossiping with... :)

Is it lame that even though we have been dating for over a year, that I still sit back and reflect at how 幸福 I am? It's just unbelievable to me sometimes, though.

Yesterday was pretty nice :D.

After work, went to Ernie's apartment to wait for Celeste to come home, but she actually already arrived that afternoon! She just kept it a secret in order to surprise everyone. Huuhhuu. So happy to see her... but she left this morning to visit her boyfriend in Kentucky. :( Lonely and without Celeste for another 2 weeks! I guess Ernie Fang will have to suffice for now.

Watched an episode of that new ABC family show, Huge. In short, it was awful. Both to look at, and in execution. That's all I want to say. (Look at Ernie's face, man!)

After that, went to Angel's house because Cat was cooking dinner there! All vegetarian food, yummy. :)

After dinner, Ernie, Celeste and I went back to their apartment, where Joyce came over and we all chilled out, chainsmoked and talked until 3AM. Was actually a lot of fun because that was the first time I met Joyce, and I realized we think in the same way about a lot of things... honestly most of that night was spent talking about certain people around us that are total jokes. I was very relieved to find out that I wasn't the only one who was a decent, genuine human being, haha.

Love the summer!