a million little pieces

this is how it has always been with me. give me something good, i'll destroy it. love me, i'll destroy you. i have never felt deserving of anything in my life. i have never felt as i were worth the diseased space i occupy. this feeling has inhabited everything i've ever done, seen, or had anything to do with, and it has infected every relationship i have ever had with everyone i've ever known. i don't understand it. i don't understand why it's here. i hate it and i hate myself."