Seems to me that when it comes to vegans or vegetarians, people seem obsessed with catching them in the act of accidentally eating meat or some animal by-product.
Well, excuse me if I accidentally, for example, ate some fried rice or some shit that I didn’t realize had ground up beef in it or something. I’m not going to fucking die. I’m not gonna go to fucking vegetarian hell, and no freaking vegan police is going to come and beat me with a stick. I mean, last time I fucking checked, I’m the one who’s actually trying to do some good for myself and for this world. God forbid I accidentally slip a little bit, but I’m still doing better than you are, aren’t I?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
So I deleted my Facebook I don't even know how long ago.
It’s funny because obviously my boyfriend still has one, so last night I was sitting next to him watching him surf Facebook and it was so… sickening? I don’t know, I mean it was just normal Facebook behavior, like he was clicking through photo albums of people he didn’t even know, just looking through peoples’ tagged photos, etc etc, but I was just like… wow. I kept asking him why he was looking at this person’s photos, and why he cared at all and he just shrugged at me. And you know I was like this too! This is exactly what I did when I had a Facebook. I was all up in everyone’s business, reading peoples’ wallposts and shit even if it wasn’t immediately relevant to anything in my life.
I didn’t even realize how creepy it was until I stepped back and stopped using Facebook, you know? It really is like some weird cult that has you brainwashed and conditioned to act a certain way.
It’s funny because obviously my boyfriend still has one, so last night I was sitting next to him watching him surf Facebook and it was so… sickening? I don’t know, I mean it was just normal Facebook behavior, like he was clicking through photo albums of people he didn’t even know, just looking through peoples’ tagged photos, etc etc, but I was just like… wow. I kept asking him why he was looking at this person’s photos, and why he cared at all and he just shrugged at me. And you know I was like this too! This is exactly what I did when I had a Facebook. I was all up in everyone’s business, reading peoples’ wallposts and shit even if it wasn’t immediately relevant to anything in my life.
I didn’t even realize how creepy it was until I stepped back and stopped using Facebook, you know? It really is like some weird cult that has you brainwashed and conditioned to act a certain way.
Anyway, I feel fucking liberated. If anything, watching someone else use Facebook for the first time since I stopped just reinforced my reasons for why I did…
Friday, August 27, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sigh, tomorrow is the last day of my internship and that's going to be kind of awkward and annoying. I actually still have a project to hand in some final sketches for which I haven't gotten around to finalizing because I've been lazy. So I have to rush through that tomorrow morning before I leave...not looking forward to having that hang over my head the entirety of my morning commute.
The goodbyes will be awkward too since I arrived with high hopes and now I am leaving with total apathy about this company. The people were really, really nice and took care of me, but they're gonna ask me about what I thought about my time there and I'm going to have to lie through my teeth.
The goodbyes will be awkward too since I arrived with high hopes and now I am leaving with total apathy about this company. The people were really, really nice and took care of me, but they're gonna ask me about what I thought about my time there and I'm going to have to lie through my teeth.
dear mikey
i'm sorry for giving you so much trouble.
thank you for believing that i am worth it.
love,
rachel.
thank you for believing that i am worth it.
love,
rachel.
“facebook preserves friendships that should have died a long time ago” - darah
real fucking talk.
spent most of last night just revisiting old demons and realized i have so much leftover anger from high school. i hate you all, get the fuck out of my life.
DELETED MY PIECE OF SHIT FACEBOOK.
the concept of “fake friends” disturbs me and i don’t think i’ve ever had to deal with it as much as i did after facebook became such a staple in my life. and why the hell is facebook such a staple? because it’s so easy to just peer into other peoples’ lives. i mean what the hell is wrong with me? it doesn’t make me a better person to seek out things about people to talk shit about, which i realize i do sometimes.
also, facebook is getting increasingly creepy, especially after i read my friend's post a while ago.
this is the second time that i have sadly attempted this, hopefully this time i will stick to it. i mean the only real reason i revived it last time was because mikey made a sad face at me and told me he liked sending me private inbox messages via facebook. and. well. i liked it too.
i don't really think i will be missing out on that much. i stopped uploading photos, and deleted all my albums a few weeks ago. i only really troll a few people on facebook regularly, and they're the same people that i talk to almost daily via instant message or texting, so what do i care?
and whenever my friends plan events, it travels quicker through word of mouth than through facebook events anyway.
so if anything the only thing that has me attached to facebook is the fact that it's just a psychological habit that i need to break now. one less page to refresh, but i mean, who cares, really?
spent most of last night just revisiting old demons and realized i have so much leftover anger from high school. i hate you all, get the fuck out of my life.
DELETED MY PIECE OF SHIT FACEBOOK.
the concept of “fake friends” disturbs me and i don’t think i’ve ever had to deal with it as much as i did after facebook became such a staple in my life. and why the hell is facebook such a staple? because it’s so easy to just peer into other peoples’ lives. i mean what the hell is wrong with me? it doesn’t make me a better person to seek out things about people to talk shit about, which i realize i do sometimes.
also, facebook is getting increasingly creepy, especially after i read my friend's post a while ago.
this is the second time that i have sadly attempted this, hopefully this time i will stick to it. i mean the only real reason i revived it last time was because mikey made a sad face at me and told me he liked sending me private inbox messages via facebook. and. well. i liked it too.
i don't really think i will be missing out on that much. i stopped uploading photos, and deleted all my albums a few weeks ago. i only really troll a few people on facebook regularly, and they're the same people that i talk to almost daily via instant message or texting, so what do i care?
and whenever my friends plan events, it travels quicker through word of mouth than through facebook events anyway.
so if anything the only thing that has me attached to facebook is the fact that it's just a psychological habit that i need to break now. one less page to refresh, but i mean, who cares, really?
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Went to some random place upstate with my parents today to get ~in touch with nature~. Well, I don’t know, they just sort of wanted to go on a day trip and I wanted to get out of the city for a bit so I went along with them. We went to Storm King Art Center which is this huge span of land in the mountains with random large scale sculptures everywhere. It was pretty cloudy today so my pictures just look depressing rather than beautiful, but it was still pretty amazing. Planning on going back again when the leaves start changing color, and bringing Mikey with us. \:D/
Then we went to some farm nearby. I saw ducklings for the first time in my life. It was absurd. They wouldn’t shut the fuck up, oh my god. It was adorable.
Photos later on Flickr, maybe, if they turn out okay. And after I shower. I climbed a gazillion hills today, christ. /filled quota of exercise for the year
Friday, August 20, 2010
GEO Nudy Gray
New contacts finally came in the mail, thanks Jinni :).
Could finally throw out my old ones. I know that circle lenses are marketed as being able to be kept for up to a year, but I think that's really sketchy and unsanitary. At most I would keep them for like two months because I don't wear the same ones every day and I rotate them since I have like up to 5 pairs at any given time... I'm addicted, what can I say. :(
But anyway, I think I found a new favorite! These are GEO contacts, in Nudy Gray.
The effect is subtle but still noticeable, without looking too creepy. I previously had Nudy Brown but it sort of made me look like a vampire from Twilight and it took some getting used to. But these are adorable and super cute in my opinion.
I also got Brown Honey Wings but the effect is sooooo subtle. I should have known from reading Jessie's review about the blue ones in that series. I guess they are still cute though, for the days when I prefer a more natural look.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
this has come to define my life
rachel＊rabbit: can you believe i have $4.00 in my bank account
rachel＊rabbit: actually yes i think you can believe that..
Yun: lol
Yun: i'd believe if u said 75 cents ^^
rachel＊rabbit: 幹
rachel＊rabbit: actually yes i think you can believe that..
Yun: lol
Yun: i'd believe if u said 75 cents ^^
rachel＊rabbit: 幹
Friday, August 13, 2010
Speaking to Mikey on Skype feels so weird. It’s like, putting my life on pause and like “hey, oh yeah, I have a cute boyfriend 12 timezones away right now…really? He’s mine?”.
I haven’t felt his temperature or smelled his clothes in so long that it feels like a dream to me.
It feels like I’ve been living the single life (minus the random sex) for so long now that it’s surreal talking to this boy that I can’t see or touch, but I have such a connection with him.
I am like born again after each time I talk to him though, hahahhaa, in the best way possibile. Refreshing and I fall in love all over again. Even though I feel like I’m falling in love with a celebrity or something, since he doesn’t seem real to me anymore…
I don’t think this post made any sense. My point: I can’t wait until he comes back home and I am whole again. I’m not the kinda bitch who thinks that the world is ending when my boyfriend isn’t by my side, but truthfully, through everything I’ve done this summer, I’ve still felt like a piece of my soul has been missing..
I haven’t felt his temperature or smelled his clothes in so long that it feels like a dream to me.
It feels like I’ve been living the single life (minus the random sex) for so long now that it’s surreal talking to this boy that I can’t see or touch, but I have such a connection with him.
I am like born again after each time I talk to him though, hahahhaa, in the best way possibile. Refreshing and I fall in love all over again. Even though I feel like I’m falling in love with a celebrity or something, since he doesn’t seem real to me anymore…
I don’t think this post made any sense. My point: I can’t wait until he comes back home and I am whole again. I’m not the kinda bitch who thinks that the world is ending when my boyfriend isn’t by my side, but truthfully, through everything I’ve done this summer, I’ve still felt like a piece of my soul has been missing..
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
I haven't felt this way in a long time.
A month or so ago, I gave my dad my iPod touch since he wanted one. So I haven't had the pleasure of having an iPod in a long time. This was probably one of the best decisions that I have made in a while. Of course I was bored to death the first weeks where I was sitting on the subway commuting back and forth, and so I decided to start reading the books that Stephanie had laying around.
I had forgotten what it's like to get engrossed in a book. I used to read a lot. I mean, it's probably why my English is so good. But I stopped, somehow. I'll read a bestseller if it gets enough hype, just because I want to know what everyone is talking about, but I haven't gone and picked up a book out of my own accord in a long time.
Recently I decided to order some books by Murakami Haruki off the internet. I have read numerous short stories by him and me reading his novels was something that was seriously overdue. I don't know why, I always just forgot about it, even though I told myself that I had to read every one of his books. He is just that kind of writer.
Anyway, I started reading Norwegian Wood today on the train because I had to go into the city.
It is not so much the story that is amazing, as it is the genuine human interaction that he is able to convey. The dialogue is so simple, and yet I can understand exactly how things are being said. His way with words is breathtaking. That's really the best way I can describe it. Whenever I pick my head up from reading anything that he writes, I find myself being attacked by an overwhelming sense of melancholy. I feel like Murakami is able to write exactly what is in the depths of my mind. His characters are so human.
It is not so much the story that is amazing, as it is the genuine human interaction that he is able to convey. The dialogue is so simple, and yet I can understand exactly how things are being said. His way with words is breathtaking. That's really the best way I can describe it. Whenever I pick my head up from reading anything that he writes, I find myself being attacked by an overwhelming sense of melancholy. I feel like Murakami is able to write exactly what is in the depths of my mind. His characters are so human.
It is kind of like how I felt when I finished reading The Little Prince the other night. I was shocked at how simple a book could express exactly everything that I believe in.
After my checkup, I sat in a cafe eating a grilled cheese sandwich and read to myself.
I say that I haven't been in a mood like this for a while because I usually find myself either stricken with grief, or so happy that I could explode. The only thing that I can think of that usually brings me to such a quiet, middle ground is when I used to listen to Plastic Tree a lot.
I don't know how I would describe this feeling.
It's neither happy nor sad, although it is probably more bittersweet than anything. I find it hard to smile but I have nothing to be sad about. I just want to sit in silence and watch the world around me. I can feel every part of my body, and I am conscious of the movements that I make.
It's neither happy nor sad, although it is probably more bittersweet than anything. I find it hard to smile but I have nothing to be sad about. I just want to sit in silence and watch the world around me. I can feel every part of my body, and I am conscious of the movements that I make.
Haha, I almost wanted to walk to the corner store and buy a pack of cigarettes on the way home. I wanted to feel the smoke in my lungs... I was in that kind of mood.
Anyway, I don't know what I am saying, to be honest. Murakami writes beautiful things, that's my point.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
I feel godawful. I don't know why. It might the weather; it's cloudy today.
I'm still in Long Island with my family, except everyone's out doing their own thing so I might as well be in Brooklyn.
The prospect of going back to Brooklyn doesn't excite me either... boyfriend's been gone and roommate leaves tonight. How can home feel like home if there's nothing to come home to?
Have to go to my crap internship tomorrow. I don't even want to go. I've been there since June and it's just become more and more of a waste of time for me. I'm just throwing away my money on Metrocards and buying lunch in the city. I'm not learning anything I didn't know already, and the projects they give me are just the loose ends of someone's else's work. I know I'm just an intern but it's still frustrating to feel this kind of reality check. Whatever, right? It's just something to put on my resume so I can get a real job next year. At least I'm getting paid in the end.
I'm still in Long Island with my family, except everyone's out doing their own thing so I might as well be in Brooklyn.
The prospect of going back to Brooklyn doesn't excite me either... boyfriend's been gone and roommate leaves tonight. How can home feel like home if there's nothing to come home to?
Have to go to my crap internship tomorrow. I don't even want to go. I've been there since June and it's just become more and more of a waste of time for me. I'm just throwing away my money on Metrocards and buying lunch in the city. I'm not learning anything I didn't know already, and the projects they give me are just the loose ends of someone's else's work. I know I'm just an intern but it's still frustrating to feel this kind of reality check. Whatever, right? It's just something to put on my resume so I can get a real job next year. At least I'm getting paid in the end.
Days like this, I wish I could just curl up in my bed and fall asleep forever. Talking to my boyfriend on Skype makes me happy until he hangs up and I realize how empty the room is. I'm just talking to myself.
january 22nd, 2009
“though you probably know all about this yourself, and blamed yourself enough
i have a feeling that im going to regret saying this right after sending it to you…
delete this mail right now if you dont want to get hurt even more.
people that you and i know told me that youre like a cancer that cant be cured…
like cancer, you spread everywhere and destroy things, leaving scars after your footsteps…
but cancer is just doing its job… it has no intension to hurt people…
maybe there is a way to cure it, but cancer can never cure itself.”
Ryota wrote this to me in an email.
I was reading my old Livejournal. It's like I forgot about all that happened, even though it was a little over a year ago. My entries were so depressing. They were always so depressing, from even before my relationship with Riku fell apart.
Did I grow up? Did my view on relationships grow up? Did I just meet someone who was better for the kind of person I am? All three? I don't know.
It's amazing how far away all of that feels. I feel like I'm a completely different person with a completely different life.
4:37AM
can't sleep because my allergies have been keeping me up all night...
i know i should get up and go to the kitchen to get some medicine... i can't even breathe because my throat has swelled up so much
but i'm sitting here listening to depressing taiwanese music and i just miss you so fucking much.
i know i should get up and go to the kitchen to get some medicine... i can't even breathe because my throat has swelled up so much
but i'm sitting here listening to depressing taiwanese music and i just miss you so fucking much.
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