Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
I just bought a 1TB harddrive for school and (hopefully haha) future work. So basically it's my child until I die or until they come up with an even more efficient way for file storage.
I dragged all the applications that I need, and my portfolio, typefaces, blahblah, all work related. And then I paused because I was contemplating whether or not I should drag all my photos onto my harddrive. Well, I did, but I was thinking about how much it actually doesn't matter. People lament when their music collection gets wiped out, or if they lose all their photos, but how often do you listen to that song or how often do you even look at that photo buried under all your folders? What does it matter anyway, in the context of the present? Candid photos are nice to look at, for the sake of nostalgia, but there's always new memories to create. Especially in this day and age... I feel like amateur photography has lost its meaning.
At my parents' house we have albums and albums of photos developed from film. That all stopped within the last decade though, now we just have folders and folders of photos that just sit on my dad's computer, away from plain sight and away from your thoughts. You didn't even care about the photos from the winter of 2003 until you lost them...
I dragged all the applications that I need, and my portfolio, typefaces, blahblah, all work related. And then I paused because I was contemplating whether or not I should drag all my photos onto my harddrive. Well, I did, but I was thinking about how much it actually doesn't matter. People lament when their music collection gets wiped out, or if they lose all their photos, but how often do you listen to that song or how often do you even look at that photo buried under all your folders? What does it matter anyway, in the context of the present? Candid photos are nice to look at, for the sake of nostalgia, but there's always new memories to create. Especially in this day and age... I feel like amateur photography has lost its meaning.
At my parents' house we have albums and albums of photos developed from film. That all stopped within the last decade though, now we just have folders and folders of photos that just sit on my dad's computer, away from plain sight and away from your thoughts. You didn't even care about the photos from the winter of 2003 until you lost them...
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Seems to me that when it comes to vegans or vegetarians, people seem obsessed with catching them in the act of accidentally eating meat or some animal by-product.
Well, excuse me if I accidentally, for example, ate some fried rice or some shit that I didn’t realize had ground up beef in it or something. I’m not going to fucking die. I’m not gonna go to fucking vegetarian hell, and no freaking vegan police is going to come and beat me with a stick. I mean, last time I fucking checked, I’m the one who’s actually trying to do some good for myself and for this world. God forbid I accidentally slip a little bit, but I’m still doing better than you are, aren’t I?
Well, excuse me if I accidentally, for example, ate some fried rice or some shit that I didn’t realize had ground up beef in it or something. I’m not going to fucking die. I’m not gonna go to fucking vegetarian hell, and no freaking vegan police is going to come and beat me with a stick. I mean, last time I fucking checked, I’m the one who’s actually trying to do some good for myself and for this world. God forbid I accidentally slip a little bit, but I’m still doing better than you are, aren’t I?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
So I deleted my Facebook I don't even know how long ago.
It’s funny because obviously my boyfriend still has one, so last night I was sitting next to him watching him surf Facebook and it was so… sickening? I don’t know, I mean it was just normal Facebook behavior, like he was clicking through photo albums of people he didn’t even know, just looking through peoples’ tagged photos, etc etc, but I was just like… wow. I kept asking him why he was looking at this person’s photos, and why he cared at all and he just shrugged at me. And you know I was like this too! This is exactly what I did when I had a Facebook. I was all up in everyone’s business, reading peoples’ wallposts and shit even if it wasn’t immediately relevant to anything in my life.
I didn’t even realize how creepy it was until I stepped back and stopped using Facebook, you know? It really is like some weird cult that has you brainwashed and conditioned to act a certain way.
It’s funny because obviously my boyfriend still has one, so last night I was sitting next to him watching him surf Facebook and it was so… sickening? I don’t know, I mean it was just normal Facebook behavior, like he was clicking through photo albums of people he didn’t even know, just looking through peoples’ tagged photos, etc etc, but I was just like… wow. I kept asking him why he was looking at this person’s photos, and why he cared at all and he just shrugged at me. And you know I was like this too! This is exactly what I did when I had a Facebook. I was all up in everyone’s business, reading peoples’ wallposts and shit even if it wasn’t immediately relevant to anything in my life.
I didn’t even realize how creepy it was until I stepped back and stopped using Facebook, you know? It really is like some weird cult that has you brainwashed and conditioned to act a certain way.
Anyway, I feel fucking liberated. If anything, watching someone else use Facebook for the first time since I stopped just reinforced my reasons for why I did…
Friday, August 27, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sigh, tomorrow is the last day of my internship and that's going to be kind of awkward and annoying. I actually still have a project to hand in some final sketches for which I haven't gotten around to finalizing because I've been lazy. So I have to rush through that tomorrow morning before I leave...not looking forward to having that hang over my head the entirety of my morning commute.
The goodbyes will be awkward too since I arrived with high hopes and now I am leaving with total apathy about this company. The people were really, really nice and took care of me, but they're gonna ask me about what I thought about my time there and I'm going to have to lie through my teeth.
The goodbyes will be awkward too since I arrived with high hopes and now I am leaving with total apathy about this company. The people were really, really nice and took care of me, but they're gonna ask me about what I thought about my time there and I'm going to have to lie through my teeth.
dear mikey
i'm sorry for giving you so much trouble.
thank you for believing that i am worth it.
love,
rachel.
thank you for believing that i am worth it.
love,
rachel.
“facebook preserves friendships that should have died a long time ago” - darah
real fucking talk.
spent most of last night just revisiting old demons and realized i have so much leftover anger from high school. i hate you all, get the fuck out of my life.
DELETED MY PIECE OF SHIT FACEBOOK.
the concept of “fake friends” disturbs me and i don’t think i’ve ever had to deal with it as much as i did after facebook became such a staple in my life. and why the hell is facebook such a staple? because it’s so easy to just peer into other peoples’ lives. i mean what the hell is wrong with me? it doesn’t make me a better person to seek out things about people to talk shit about, which i realize i do sometimes.
also, facebook is getting increasingly creepy, especially after i read my friend's post a while ago.
this is the second time that i have sadly attempted this, hopefully this time i will stick to it. i mean the only real reason i revived it last time was because mikey made a sad face at me and told me he liked sending me private inbox messages via facebook. and. well. i liked it too.
i don't really think i will be missing out on that much. i stopped uploading photos, and deleted all my albums a few weeks ago. i only really troll a few people on facebook regularly, and they're the same people that i talk to almost daily via instant message or texting, so what do i care?
and whenever my friends plan events, it travels quicker through word of mouth than through facebook events anyway.
so if anything the only thing that has me attached to facebook is the fact that it's just a psychological habit that i need to break now. one less page to refresh, but i mean, who cares, really?
spent most of last night just revisiting old demons and realized i have so much leftover anger from high school. i hate you all, get the fuck out of my life.
DELETED MY PIECE OF SHIT FACEBOOK.
the concept of “fake friends” disturbs me and i don’t think i’ve ever had to deal with it as much as i did after facebook became such a staple in my life. and why the hell is facebook such a staple? because it’s so easy to just peer into other peoples’ lives. i mean what the hell is wrong with me? it doesn’t make me a better person to seek out things about people to talk shit about, which i realize i do sometimes.
also, facebook is getting increasingly creepy, especially after i read my friend's post a while ago.
this is the second time that i have sadly attempted this, hopefully this time i will stick to it. i mean the only real reason i revived it last time was because mikey made a sad face at me and told me he liked sending me private inbox messages via facebook. and. well. i liked it too.
i don't really think i will be missing out on that much. i stopped uploading photos, and deleted all my albums a few weeks ago. i only really troll a few people on facebook regularly, and they're the same people that i talk to almost daily via instant message or texting, so what do i care?
and whenever my friends plan events, it travels quicker through word of mouth than through facebook events anyway.
so if anything the only thing that has me attached to facebook is the fact that it's just a psychological habit that i need to break now. one less page to refresh, but i mean, who cares, really?
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Went to some random place upstate with my parents today to get ~in touch with nature~. Well, I don’t know, they just sort of wanted to go on a day trip and I wanted to get out of the city for a bit so I went along with them. We went to Storm King Art Center which is this huge span of land in the mountains with random large scale sculptures everywhere. It was pretty cloudy today so my pictures just look depressing rather than beautiful, but it was still pretty amazing. Planning on going back again when the leaves start changing color, and bringing Mikey with us. \:D/
Then we went to some farm nearby. I saw ducklings for the first time in my life. It was absurd. They wouldn’t shut the fuck up, oh my god. It was adorable.
Photos later on Flickr, maybe, if they turn out okay. And after I shower. I climbed a gazillion hills today, christ. /filled quota of exercise for the year
Friday, August 20, 2010
GEO Nudy Gray
New contacts finally came in the mail, thanks Jinni :).
Could finally throw out my old ones. I know that circle lenses are marketed as being able to be kept for up to a year, but I think that's really sketchy and unsanitary. At most I would keep them for like two months because I don't wear the same ones every day and I rotate them since I have like up to 5 pairs at any given time... I'm addicted, what can I say. :(
But anyway, I think I found a new favorite! These are GEO contacts, in Nudy Gray.
The effect is subtle but still noticeable, without looking too creepy. I previously had Nudy Brown but it sort of made me look like a vampire from Twilight and it took some getting used to. But these are adorable and super cute in my opinion.
I also got Brown Honey Wings but the effect is sooooo subtle. I should have known from reading Jessie's review about the blue ones in that series. I guess they are still cute though, for the days when I prefer a more natural look.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
this has come to define my life
rachel＊rabbit: can you believe i have $4.00 in my bank account
rachel＊rabbit: actually yes i think you can believe that..
Yun: lol
Yun: i'd believe if u said 75 cents ^^
rachel＊rabbit: 幹
rachel＊rabbit: actually yes i think you can believe that..
Yun: lol
Yun: i'd believe if u said 75 cents ^^
rachel＊rabbit: 幹
Friday, August 13, 2010
Speaking to Mikey on Skype feels so weird. It’s like, putting my life on pause and like “hey, oh yeah, I have a cute boyfriend 12 timezones away right now…really? He’s mine?”.
I haven’t felt his temperature or smelled his clothes in so long that it feels like a dream to me.
It feels like I’ve been living the single life (minus the random sex) for so long now that it’s surreal talking to this boy that I can’t see or touch, but I have such a connection with him.
I am like born again after each time I talk to him though, hahahhaa, in the best way possibile. Refreshing and I fall in love all over again. Even though I feel like I’m falling in love with a celebrity or something, since he doesn’t seem real to me anymore…
I don’t think this post made any sense. My point: I can’t wait until he comes back home and I am whole again. I’m not the kinda bitch who thinks that the world is ending when my boyfriend isn’t by my side, but truthfully, through everything I’ve done this summer, I’ve still felt like a piece of my soul has been missing..
I haven’t felt his temperature or smelled his clothes in so long that it feels like a dream to me.
It feels like I’ve been living the single life (minus the random sex) for so long now that it’s surreal talking to this boy that I can’t see or touch, but I have such a connection with him.
I am like born again after each time I talk to him though, hahahhaa, in the best way possibile. Refreshing and I fall in love all over again. Even though I feel like I’m falling in love with a celebrity or something, since he doesn’t seem real to me anymore…
I don’t think this post made any sense. My point: I can’t wait until he comes back home and I am whole again. I’m not the kinda bitch who thinks that the world is ending when my boyfriend isn’t by my side, but truthfully, through everything I’ve done this summer, I’ve still felt like a piece of my soul has been missing..
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
I haven't felt this way in a long time.
A month or so ago, I gave my dad my iPod touch since he wanted one. So I haven't had the pleasure of having an iPod in a long time. This was probably one of the best decisions that I have made in a while. Of course I was bored to death the first weeks where I was sitting on the subway commuting back and forth, and so I decided to start reading the books that Stephanie had laying around.
I had forgotten what it's like to get engrossed in a book. I used to read a lot. I mean, it's probably why my English is so good. But I stopped, somehow. I'll read a bestseller if it gets enough hype, just because I want to know what everyone is talking about, but I haven't gone and picked up a book out of my own accord in a long time.
Recently I decided to order some books by Murakami Haruki off the internet. I have read numerous short stories by him and me reading his novels was something that was seriously overdue. I don't know why, I always just forgot about it, even though I told myself that I had to read every one of his books. He is just that kind of writer.
Anyway, I started reading Norwegian Wood today on the train because I had to go into the city.
It is not so much the story that is amazing, as it is the genuine human interaction that he is able to convey. The dialogue is so simple, and yet I can understand exactly how things are being said. His way with words is breathtaking. That's really the best way I can describe it. Whenever I pick my head up from reading anything that he writes, I find myself being attacked by an overwhelming sense of melancholy. I feel like Murakami is able to write exactly what is in the depths of my mind. His characters are so human.
It is not so much the story that is amazing, as it is the genuine human interaction that he is able to convey. The dialogue is so simple, and yet I can understand exactly how things are being said. His way with words is breathtaking. That's really the best way I can describe it. Whenever I pick my head up from reading anything that he writes, I find myself being attacked by an overwhelming sense of melancholy. I feel like Murakami is able to write exactly what is in the depths of my mind. His characters are so human.
It is kind of like how I felt when I finished reading The Little Prince the other night. I was shocked at how simple a book could express exactly everything that I believe in.
After my checkup, I sat in a cafe eating a grilled cheese sandwich and read to myself.
I say that I haven't been in a mood like this for a while because I usually find myself either stricken with grief, or so happy that I could explode. The only thing that I can think of that usually brings me to such a quiet, middle ground is when I used to listen to Plastic Tree a lot.
I don't know how I would describe this feeling.
It's neither happy nor sad, although it is probably more bittersweet than anything. I find it hard to smile but I have nothing to be sad about. I just want to sit in silence and watch the world around me. I can feel every part of my body, and I am conscious of the movements that I make.
It's neither happy nor sad, although it is probably more bittersweet than anything. I find it hard to smile but I have nothing to be sad about. I just want to sit in silence and watch the world around me. I can feel every part of my body, and I am conscious of the movements that I make.
Haha, I almost wanted to walk to the corner store and buy a pack of cigarettes on the way home. I wanted to feel the smoke in my lungs... I was in that kind of mood.
Anyway, I don't know what I am saying, to be honest. Murakami writes beautiful things, that's my point.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
I feel godawful. I don't know why. It might the weather; it's cloudy today.
I'm still in Long Island with my family, except everyone's out doing their own thing so I might as well be in Brooklyn.
The prospect of going back to Brooklyn doesn't excite me either... boyfriend's been gone and roommate leaves tonight. How can home feel like home if there's nothing to come home to?
Have to go to my crap internship tomorrow. I don't even want to go. I've been there since June and it's just become more and more of a waste of time for me. I'm just throwing away my money on Metrocards and buying lunch in the city. I'm not learning anything I didn't know already, and the projects they give me are just the loose ends of someone's else's work. I know I'm just an intern but it's still frustrating to feel this kind of reality check. Whatever, right? It's just something to put on my resume so I can get a real job next year. At least I'm getting paid in the end.
I'm still in Long Island with my family, except everyone's out doing their own thing so I might as well be in Brooklyn.
The prospect of going back to Brooklyn doesn't excite me either... boyfriend's been gone and roommate leaves tonight. How can home feel like home if there's nothing to come home to?
Have to go to my crap internship tomorrow. I don't even want to go. I've been there since June and it's just become more and more of a waste of time for me. I'm just throwing away my money on Metrocards and buying lunch in the city. I'm not learning anything I didn't know already, and the projects they give me are just the loose ends of someone's else's work. I know I'm just an intern but it's still frustrating to feel this kind of reality check. Whatever, right? It's just something to put on my resume so I can get a real job next year. At least I'm getting paid in the end.
Days like this, I wish I could just curl up in my bed and fall asleep forever. Talking to my boyfriend on Skype makes me happy until he hangs up and I realize how empty the room is. I'm just talking to myself.
january 22nd, 2009
“though you probably know all about this yourself, and blamed yourself enough
i have a feeling that im going to regret saying this right after sending it to you…
delete this mail right now if you dont want to get hurt even more.
people that you and i know told me that youre like a cancer that cant be cured…
like cancer, you spread everywhere and destroy things, leaving scars after your footsteps…
but cancer is just doing its job… it has no intension to hurt people…
maybe there is a way to cure it, but cancer can never cure itself.”
Ryota wrote this to me in an email.
I was reading my old Livejournal. It's like I forgot about all that happened, even though it was a little over a year ago. My entries were so depressing. They were always so depressing, from even before my relationship with Riku fell apart.
Did I grow up? Did my view on relationships grow up? Did I just meet someone who was better for the kind of person I am? All three? I don't know.
It's amazing how far away all of that feels. I feel like I'm a completely different person with a completely different life.
4:37AM
can't sleep because my allergies have been keeping me up all night...
i know i should get up and go to the kitchen to get some medicine... i can't even breathe because my throat has swelled up so much
but i'm sitting here listening to depressing taiwanese music and i just miss you so fucking much.
i know i should get up and go to the kitchen to get some medicine... i can't even breathe because my throat has swelled up so much
but i'm sitting here listening to depressing taiwanese music and i just miss you so fucking much.
Friday, July 30, 2010
had a pretty shitty day yesterday.
i woke up to the sound of pouring rain outside and i guess that set the tone for the rest of my day. i really just woke up on the other side of the bed…
called mikey in the morning via skype and we kind of argued, even though right now i don’t even remember what it was about since it was so dumb.
late to my internship by an hour because of that, and then got slapped with a project that i was in no mindset to finish. and so i didn’t… even though i stayed 2 hours later than i was supposed to. almost cried when i stepped out of the building because i felt so incompetent and frustrated and disappointed that i couldn’t do it in time (they ended up handing the rest of the project to another designer)… no one was mad at me, i think they could all sympathize and i know i’m just an intern but i felt like i could have done a lot better on any other day.
picked up from celeste afterwards, and then went to yaffa cafe with her and her roommates for her birthday… that was pretty good. got an avocado melt on a baguette with brie cheese, which was fucking delicious and FREE! because i made ernie pay for me (this was arguably the best part of my day).
after dinner we went to a hookah bar with a bunch of other people, but i left early because they were carding everyone for drinks and i didn’t have any I.D on me… i don’t like smoking hookah that much anyway so eh.
walked home from the subway at 12:30am and almost stepped on a fucking caterpillar in the process. terrifying.
got home, skype’d mikey again, got upset again because he wasn’t really paying attention to what i was saying and couldn’t really respond. i shouldn’t have blamed him, because he was at his internship when i called him (fuck this 12 hour time difference). but talking to him is usually what i look forward to the most in a day, so even that was taken away from me last night. christ.
roommate already passed out and i didn’t feel like smoking on my own so i just called it a day at 1AM.
…. today feels like a better day though. weather is beautiful. i’m locked up here on campus at my part-time job but whatever.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
There are fewer things that feel as good as discovering great new music. Unfortunately it's also a feeling that can never be reproduced... even though I still listen to all my favorite artists repeatedly, it'll never be the same as the first time I listened to a song and realized just how good they are.
I always feel frustrated as well because I just want to call them on the phone and thank them for sharing their talent! And to let them know that they are loved... especially emerging artists who haven't gotten much recognition yet.
Anyway, yes this is all leading up to the fact that I discovered a great new Taiwanese (well, Singapore) artist named 石康軍 (Jones Shi). His music and voice are both beautiful.
His style is pretty Taiwanese so I think you have to be a fan of Chinese pop to want to enjoy this, but I can completely see influences of British indie pop there as well...this song I've linked really reminds me of something English that I've listened to before, but I can't place my finger on it.
Friday, July 23, 2010
I'm giving up seafood in September. There, I said it. I can do it! :D I just need to head over to Whole Foods or something and pick up some vitamin supplements to replace what I lack in my diet.
I don't think Mikey will be happy about it, though. :(
I don't think Mikey will be happy about it, though. :(
For reference:
Omega-3 Fatty Acids: walnuts, ground flax seeds, flax oil, hempseed oil, canola oil, and supplements
Vitamin B-12: B-12 supplement, or fortified cereals or soymilk
Protein: almonds, black beans, brown rice, cashews, garbanzo beans (chickpeas), kidney beans, lentils, lima beans, peanut butter, pinto beans, seitan, soybeans, soymilk, sunflower seeds, textured vegetable protein (TVP), tofu, vegetarian hot dogs and burgers
Calcium: almonds, black beans, broccoli, calcium-fortified orange juice, collard greens, great northern beans, kale, kidney beans, mustard greens, navy beans, orange juice, pinto beans, sesame seeds, soybeans, soymilk, textured vegetable protein (TVP), tofu
Iron: black beans, bran flakes, cashews, Cream of Wheat®, garbanzo beans (chickpeas), GrapeNuts®, kidney beans, lentils, navy beans, oatmeal, pumpkin seeds, raisins, soybeans, soymilk, spinach, sunflower seeds, tofu, tomato juice, whole wheat bread
One of the most common (mind-boggling imo) questions any person who doesn't eat red meat encounters is "HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET PROTEIN?!" to which I just want to slap them and direct them to fucking Google.com. One simple search and you can see how many different foods supply protein!
a million little pieces
this is how it has always been with me. give me something good, i'll destroy it. love me, i'll destroy you. i have never felt deserving of anything in my life. i have never felt as i were worth the diseased space i occupy. this feeling has inhabited everything i've ever done, seen, or had anything to do with, and it has infected every relationship i have ever had with everyone i've ever known. i don't understand it. i don't understand why it's here. i hate it and i hate myself."
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Brought my Facebook back. :(
So this is our day and age! Slave to social networking!
My Facebook is pretty much stripped to the bone though, I deleted basically everything before I deactivated the account... not that this bothers me. It's kind of refreshing knowing my life isn't out there for the world to see! I'll just stick to uploading stuff on Flickr I guess. Cleaner interface anyway. :)
So this is our day and age! Slave to social networking!
My Facebook is pretty much stripped to the bone though, I deleted basically everything before I deactivated the account... not that this bothers me. It's kind of refreshing knowing my life isn't out there for the world to see! I'll just stick to uploading stuff on Flickr I guess. Cleaner interface anyway. :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
ow.
I walked (or ran...) into a fire hydrant yesterday.
Ironically this was because my friend had tripped in a really dramatic fashion and I was laughing so hard that I wasn't watching where I was going...
Ironically this was because my friend had tripped in a really dramatic fashion and I was laughing so hard that I wasn't watching where I was going...
I can tell it's one of those horrific bruises that will only get worse with time. :|
Anyway. I suppose this is big news, but I deleted my fucking Facebook. Honestly, I was actually just really depressed last night and I was like "FUCK EVERYONE! IF THEY REALLY LOVE ME THEY WILL KNOW HOW TO REACH ME!" and just deleted it.
Obviously I'm not in the same mood anymore, but whatever, I'll just keep it as is... Facebook is pretty creepy anyway.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
I had a lot of friends over this week! Stephanie's brother came over twice this week, and Georgiya came over a few times. Saori from Long Island visited this weekend as well, and last night I had the boys over last night (they were terrible houseguests by the way. never again!)
This asshole ate the dinner I bought for myself, when I wasn't paying attention, and then proceeded to force me to cook him a second dinner after he was done.
Needless to say I am really tired and need to give myself a break... I am staying CLEAN for like the rest of the month. I want to. I need to. Christ.
Also forcing each of the boys to buy me dinner at least once this week. FUCKERS.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Got really baked last night, and Georgiya turned to me and asked me how I knew Mikey wasn't cheating on me.
I didn't know how to answer. I mean, things like that don't even cross my mind, seriously. I'll joke about it but I never even consider it as a possibility. We sort of debated this for a bit, but I was really unable to wrap my mind around what she was trying to say.
I guess when you are not in a relationship you are able to approach it with complete logic, in which case I would say yea, I am not there with him overseas, so he could totally be cheating on me and I wouldn't even know about it.
But from my point of view, I guess I am in love or something, so it's not possible to me. But I don't think it's because I'm being blinded by it, I think it's because I just know him so well as a person that I couldn't see him do such a despicable thing.
What is the point of being in a relationship if you approach it with that sort of paranoid mindset?
I think after a certain point in a relationship, lust isn't the only thing that drives it anymore, it grows into something I think I would compare to how family loves each other. Your family would always give you the benefit of the doubt no matter what you did. Even your friends, right? If you told them that you didn't do something, they would not second guess you because it's not even an option in their minds to not take your word for it.
I didn't know how to answer. I mean, things like that don't even cross my mind, seriously. I'll joke about it but I never even consider it as a possibility. We sort of debated this for a bit, but I was really unable to wrap my mind around what she was trying to say.
I guess when you are not in a relationship you are able to approach it with complete logic, in which case I would say yea, I am not there with him overseas, so he could totally be cheating on me and I wouldn't even know about it.
But from my point of view, I guess I am in love or something, so it's not possible to me. But I don't think it's because I'm being blinded by it, I think it's because I just know him so well as a person that I couldn't see him do such a despicable thing.
What is the point of being in a relationship if you approach it with that sort of paranoid mindset?
I think after a certain point in a relationship, lust isn't the only thing that drives it anymore, it grows into something I think I would compare to how family loves each other. Your family would always give you the benefit of the doubt no matter what you did. Even your friends, right? If you told them that you didn't do something, they would not second guess you because it's not even an option in their minds to not take your word for it.
So, that's why, I'm not scared about what Mikey is doing even though he is 12 timezones away.
Also, I think being in a long term relationship, you often have to watch other people break up. Even people who have been dating for ages... it never really bothers me though. I don't know why it bothers other people. I think common thoughts are "if they couldn't even stay together, how can my relationship possibly survive?", and I think that is such an ignorant way to go about it.
Whatever happened in their relationship to cause it to fail is their business, and completely dependent on factors surrounding those two people as individuals...
I get into really intense discussions whenever I get baked. :|
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Perhaps citing my health as one of the reasons for me swearing off red-meat since last January isn't really that valid, considering the amount of cigarettes I have smoked since...oh god, I don't know, senior year of high school. I don't smoke regularly but I think I smoke enough that I can't say that I don't smoke, with a clean conscience. (In fact, Mikey wooed me over cigarettes... clever bastard calling me outside for dead of night cigarette breaks...)
And I can't really call myself a vegetarian since I still eat seafood every so often. Usually I go for the shrimp or fish if I'm at a restaurant where there really is no other option (assholes.)... but I always eat it with guilt. Even though it is delicious.
Actually, it's been a good half year since I stopped eating red meat, and the truth is that I don't crave meat at all anymore, if anything, I think I have started to find it completely unappetizing... am I allowed to say that I don't eat meat just because I think it's gross?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
i like my body when it is with your
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like„ slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh … . And eyes big Love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you quite so new
— e.e. cummings
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like„ slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh … . And eyes big Love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you quite so new
— e.e. cummings
Thursday, July 1, 2010
寶貝我好想你喔⋯⋯
Called Mikey this morning just to chat and check up on him. It was so comforting to hear his voice! Just filled me with nauseating happiness, hahaha, someone shoot me.
So cute... me excitedly telling him about my day, and then in turn him excitedly telling me about his. Huhu~
It's great that I have a boyfriend that I can actually hold a conversation with, someone that I look forward to gossiping with... :)
Is it lame that even though we have been dating for over a year, that I still sit back and reflect at how 幸福 I am? It's just unbelievable to me sometimes, though.
So cute... me excitedly telling him about my day, and then in turn him excitedly telling me about his. Huhu~
It's great that I have a boyfriend that I can actually hold a conversation with, someone that I look forward to gossiping with... :)
Is it lame that even though we have been dating for over a year, that I still sit back and reflect at how 幸福 I am? It's just unbelievable to me sometimes, though.
Yesterday was pretty nice :D.
After work, went to Ernie's apartment to wait for Celeste to come home, but she actually already arrived that afternoon! She just kept it a secret in order to surprise everyone. Huuhhuu. So happy to see her... but she left this morning to visit her boyfriend in Kentucky. :( Lonely and without Celeste for another 2 weeks! I guess Ernie Fang will have to suffice for now.
Watched an episode of that new ABC family show, Huge. In short, it was awful. Both to look at, and in execution. That's all I want to say. (Look at Ernie's face, man!)
After that, went to Angel's house because Cat was cooking dinner there! All vegetarian food, yummy. :)
After dinner, Ernie, Celeste and I went back to their apartment, where Joyce came over and we all chilled out, chainsmoked and talked until 3AM. Was actually a lot of fun because that was the first time I met Joyce, and I realized we think in the same way about a lot of things... honestly most of that night was spent talking about certain people around us that are total jokes. I was very relieved to find out that I wasn't the only one who was a decent, genuine human being, haha.
Love the summer!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
my new DSLR
Parents are awesome, really. Never will you ever encounter more selfless people in your life. Parents, all they do is work to make other people happy. Makes me think of Celeste's film, my mom and dad are just filling their blank by filling other people's blanks.
People should never take their parents for granted.
I used to, and I blame adolescent ignorance and also sort of my ex-boyfriend. He didn't intend to warp my perception of my parents, but I guess he didn't really have much regard for his, and it obviously influenced me a little bit. I used to think they were a nuisance more than anything.
The most ridiculous thing is that it's when I was in high school that I thought this way, the time where I depended on my parents more than anything. For money, for food, for the roof over my head...
I attribute my sudden change of heart to my current boyfriend, Mikey. He taught me a lot of things and sort of "showed me the light" in terms of how appreciative I should be of my parents. He really slapped me with reality... and still does sometimes...
My relationship with my parents went from complete apathy to something so much better now... and I mean, it's crazy, I hated them before because I felt like they never trusted me with anything and kept treating me like a child, but that's exactly what I was asking for, really, because I never told them anything, I never communicated my plans, my thoughts, anything.
My relationship with my parents went from complete apathy to something so much better now... and I mean, it's crazy, I hated them before because I felt like they never trusted me with anything and kept treating me like a child, but that's exactly what I was asking for, really, because I never told them anything, I never communicated my plans, my thoughts, anything.
I live in my own apartment now, and pay for most everything myself. Mom and Dad trust me a lot more and honestly, it's fun to call my mom now because I realized that she wants me to call her, she wants me to tell her about my day and is happy to support me.
My parents still pay for my rent, just because it would be impossible for me to. My part time job doesn't pay that much, and you can often find me complaining about how broke I am via Facebook status updates, but I chose for it to be that way. I purposely told my parents to stop giving me allowances because it's unnecessary. I'm old enough to make my own spending money and stop taking theirs...
My parents still pay for my rent, just because it would be impossible for me to. My part time job doesn't pay that much, and you can often find me complaining about how broke I am via Facebook status updates, but I chose for it to be that way. I purposely told my parents to stop giving me allowances because it's unnecessary. I'm old enough to make my own spending money and stop taking theirs...
And yet, they still do things like buy me a $2000 DSLR for my birthday. What the fuck man.
Moms and Dads are awesome.
Work of Art - Bravo
I watched the first episode of Work of Art, the new reality TV show by Bravo yesterday, because a lot of people have said to me that this show reminds them of me. I assume this is only because I am the only person in my high school who went to art school, so no one actually knows what art school is about. Forgivable, I mean, I think it is true that art and design students live in a bubble, watching over the rest of the world. Haha.
Anyway, I watched this show and honestly I was absolutely horrified.
Thanks, Bravo. For taking what I know so many people live and breathe and turning into a money making joke.
I'm also disgusted at the people who chose to participate in this shitshow.
It is like, of course the rest of the world has no idea how designers and artists think and function, because of crap like this reinforcing some nonsensical stereotype.
My jaw was on the floor when they introduced the artists and they had a cutscene of one of the girls walking through the galleries and dismissing all the pieces she passed by. What the hell is this? Is this what people think artists are like?
Do people not realize that fine art isn't a fucking competition. Of course there is "good" and "bad" art, but it's so subjective on so many levels, and it's not about beating the next person. It's about just making fucking beautiful work that you are proud of. All the professional fine artists I follow are genuine, sweet people that gladly support other artists, just because it's all about the ART.
And these challenges... since when was making art applicable under a time limit?
Commercial art is different, but this show is clearly not about commercial illustration and graphic design. Which makes this total bullshit. Who is to judge that a painting that was completed slower is any better than a painting created in 10 minutes? Or vis versa?
Commercial art is different, but this show is clearly not about commercial illustration and graphic design. Which makes this total bullshit. Who is to judge that a painting that was completed slower is any better than a painting created in 10 minutes? Or vis versa?
I could understand this show better if it was about commercial design but... ugh. It's not.
Of course the producers of the show already had some ideas for what people they wanted to cast and just casted it based on those personas. It's not as if these people that are on the show are any sort of representation of the art world as a whole. Not even close.
Of course they had to have some bitchy villain, some dude who looks like he comes from the middle of the forest, some loudly dressed weirdo, some older woman who looks like a lesbian, some amateur who thinks he is the next Picasso, an Asian guy, etc etc etc, fuck this show. I feel like the people who made this show just watched Art School Confidential and decided that that movie was the basis for reality.
Oh, and the "judges" they chose. I don't even know where to start. They need to get their head out of their asses. Isn't it obvious what kind of people they are if they, being already established in their fields, chose to participate in a show like this? Kinda reminiscent of Tim Gunn leaving Parsons just for his stint on Bravo (well, at least Tim Gunn wasn't a pretentious asshole). All in it for the money and blathering on as if they are the center of the art universe. Give me a break.
I don't know, I couldn't even sit through the episode because of the amount of ignorance and reality bullshit that this TV show was spewing. I'm sure this is how other people feel when their lives get condensed and simplified into reality TV shows... the problem is that as the audience, you don't know any better and just assume this is what shit is really like.
Anyway, I don't blame the people who said that this is what they think when they think of me being in design school, I blame fucking reality television for turning everything it touches into a joke.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I think it's nice when your boyfriend's friends become your friends and vis versa. When you're not just "the girlfriend" or he's not just "the boyfriend", but we are our own people and it's not awkward to chill with our friends individually or, together as a couple.
I hate couples who can't function without each other, and in doing so make it completely unenjoyable for other people to hang out with them...or it's like impossible to hang out with just one half of the couple... it's always a 2 for 1 deal, and it sucks because they arn't the same person when their significant other is there so it's just like, what is the point.
/ramble
The talk was alright, they mainly just talked about their work more than their experiences or whatever. Mehh.. Still kind of inspiring though... they worked on some really famous accounts...
Anyway, afterwards, went to eat ghetto Viet food with Ernie... and then drank frozen margaritas until 2AM at El Sombrero with him. Didn't get trashed, but just drunk enough that the 20 block walk back to his apartment was enjoyable. Toked a little bit just so we could fall asleep better, only to wake up at 12 in the afternoon just in time to completely miss the fact that I was supposed to go the beach today with some other friends...
I feel bad but, I did wake up briefly around 7AM in an attempt to get my shit together, and I just felt really out of it and shitty, plus I didn't think that I could rush back to Brooklyn, cook all the food I was going to bring, get ready, put on my makeup and then make it to Flushing by 12:30AM... especially since it takes me 2 hours to get to Flushing from Brooklyn by subway.
I feel bad but, I did wake up briefly around 7AM in an attempt to get my shit together, and I just felt really out of it and shitty, plus I didn't think that I could rush back to Brooklyn, cook all the food I was going to bring, get ready, put on my makeup and then make it to Flushing by 12:30AM... especially since it takes me 2 hours to get to Flushing from Brooklyn by subway.
I guess it's not really an excuse though, I could have just gone home after the artist lecture instead of deciding to go drinking...
I'm sorry for being so sucky.
Anyway I think this will be a good summer. Not as many people went back to Asia this year so I am not as lonely as I was last year.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Going to the Apple Store after interning today with Ernie Uncle Fang (hahahaha~) to go attend a lecture by two of the ADC Young Guns winners (Ting Ting Lee + Garland Lyn) ... it should be interesting. Depressing, even. I always listen to these really successful designers speak and then it makes me wonder if I'll ever accomplish anything close to what they are doing.
Should have brought my DSLR with me to work! I want to start photoblogging again.
Currently have probably around $40.00 in my checking account. Don't ask me where my money goes, I honest to god have no fucking idea. I don't know how I'm going to make it to next Friday, which is when I get paid next...
blankfillers from Celeste Lai on Vimeo.
This is a short film by one of my very good friends, Celeste. She is a senior animation major at SVA...But anyway, I'm not going to sit here and ramble about how much I love her (which I do), just wanted to share this little piece of Celesteness with all of you, because we are all blankfillers in the end...
Mikey left for Taiwan this morning. He comes back August 24th, basically in 2 months time. Wah.Appropriately heartbroken, we were both in tears as we parted ways, which I guess is pretty damn pathetic in it of its self since we are both grown kids and see each other every day for 10 months out of the year, but whatever. :(
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